For my Grandma

My grandmother was born in a village in Guandong, china, on 1918. Given the name “Ah Ai” she was hoped to take up the great role of mother as she grew up, and yes, she did. A great mother which brought up 8 children and some of the grandchildren, single handedly.

She was first married to a Doctor, whom she followed to Singapore to continue his business. What seems to be a stable future was disrupted as the WW2 broke out, whereby the husband was lost. With 3 children with her, she married again, this time a worker at the port. Here the last 5 child was born, which includes my mother. Perhaps heaven really wanted to challenge her, my grandfather died of cancer, when my mother was 9.

Given today’s context this would be a really good article for the newspapers to ask for lots of donation and welfare help, but in the 50’s she only have herself to depend on. Thus she took up odd jobs in the day and night, washing of dishes and cleaning other’s house while taking care of children, slongside with the elder son sharing some responsibility of care taking the younger siblings too.

Time flies then. Kampong became HDB flat, sons became someone else’s son-in-law. Seems like the end of an happy story, but in fact, it was the start of another phrase. Years past, she did enjoy her “retirement”, but time to time conflict arises among the uncles and my mother regards many issues… Nevertheless, she still always get the care that she needs, as she lived with my eldest uncle family and my mother lived next door since she’s married. Not forgetting grandchildren’s company too… The cousins, and especially my sister.

But nature is cruel. Illness caught up with her as her health got worse. Slowly her ability to walk weakens, then she has difficulty to climb stairs, then she needs 2 persons to carry her, just to go downstairs. Not forgetting all the Diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.. And then, last year, a slept led to a stroke attack in the brain… which since then removed her ability to move her left limps, to eat and swallow, and to talk properly. How would it feel for some one not able to eat what she likes, or even to like people understand her properly?

(and again another saga of the incident with relatives… you can refer to my previous post on this, dated 15 Sep 2005 in the archive.)

The next 11 months of her life was spent on that bed in her home…under the care of the wife of her eldest son and a maid. My mother visited her every Sunday, sometimes she would be trying to communicate and sometimes she would just be sleeping. It really wasn’t easy, but there’s no choice.

And the time came. She passed away peacefully, last Friday 18th August, afternoon. No pain, nothing much I heard.


She is in peace.


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For those my friends that know, what followed for all of us were 5 days of funeral. The first few days was ok, perhaps because most of us had already been mentally prepared for this day to come since last year. Or view it as, a form or relief and rest.

The 5 days was sort of “rush” for me too, I actually pop down at Dom’s birthday (see previous below) and went school for Monday and Tuesday. I was considered as “Wai Soon” (external grandson) so it’s was quite ok if talking about ceremonial stuff.

It was also like a big relative “gathering” too. Many relatives whom we haven’t saw for a long time came, friends of our own people came too. As a matter of fact, this includes our own relatives too, since that we only saw them during New Year.

It was the last night where the mood starts to get somber. It was the ceremonial stuff for her spirit. The last day was the worst. All the time she just seems to be asleep there, peaceful. It was only when the coffin was pushed in at Mandai….then the fact came to us. She is really gone.


Many shed tears for her throughout.
There’s tears because she had left many memories in all of us, during different part of her life, be it it’s to a son, daughter, daughter in law, or grandchildren.

For me, she was the person who had taught me my basic Teochew. She the one who took care of me when parents are not around. And watched me grow from baby to that thin child to fat teen, and to the thinner now.



She will be missed.


& life goes on.